People who feel like they came from the sun will break my heart. And they’ll remind me of one another or maybe just how I feel when I’m around them. And they’ll absolutely crush me in new ways that I cannot imagine. And I will resent other friends for not being them because I find comfort in that being crushed. Maybe I find a bit of joy and exhilaration in feeling crazy and obsessed because at least that confirms that I care about someone. Everyone else? Everyone else, I love, but it's just not the same.
I binge, I binge, I binge. I need to rush through relationships like TV shows. To have everything I enjoy so much and so often that I end up bored and take it completely for granted. I’m a spoiled brat. Naive little bitch who anyone could only feel sorry for to an extent. I take, I take, I take. What do I have to give? What kind of person spends more than 4 hours losing their virginity?
I’ll completely fall apart without you. I’ll try to sleep the days away. I’ll glue myself to the screen even when you’re not in it. I’ll crawl back to my mother and cry myself to sleep after months of trying desperately to coax out tears.
I’ll cling to the end because I know the way I felt around you will become someone else in my memory. It is already becoming someone else. This recent wound stings the most because I know I will also become someone else’s memory for you. I know how far away I will seem. I know I cannot grow while I’m still holding on to you.
