anniversary

The first night I moved here, I spent the day startled by constant fireworks going off and spent the night at a Grindr hookup’s dorm. We ended up staying in touch for way too long until one of the times I ghosted them I finally called it quits and disappeared off the face of any social media or dating app. I don’t know why I always do things like that. I wonder if I make the lives of people around me better or worse.

To celebrate “living on my own” for a year, my landlord gave me a rent increase. The social security administration sent me a gloating ass email about how cuts to Medicaid are actually going to be great news for the elderly. I still don’t know my neighbors and I still don’t have any friends here other than my roommates.

Since I etched No Exit into my thigh one summer after watching too many Philosophy Tube videos instead of talking to people, I’ve thought there must be some way to think my way out of this mess. But the more you think, it becomes undeniably clear that this entire way of living is unsustainable for any values I could ever claim to hold dear. So then what? Live life as a punishment to yourself and justify it as humility and reverence for others?