living poem last updated 9/30/24

transit infinity

flight like a reset
chasing after the sun
is (s)he sick yet
of waiting for the trains headlights brighter than rays of sun?
finally
daybreak to awaken and to put to sleep

in the ache i feel it
every blister and cramp into firmness
to be held and kissed or bitten
or shattered like plastic

lived long enough to buy a pack of Tsingtao Beer
tastes exactly as i always imagined it
The smell,/. distinctly Chinese.
something they cant quite sniff out

i walk close to the platforms edge for someone scared of getting
pushed off it
sometimes I tire of looking for beauty in capitalism-
maladaptive habit learned young from parents,
like lying to myself

someone tells me under their breath:
my presence has warranted a HR meeting
without me, with everyone else laughing.
I already knew something was up, so I dont care.

in the ache i feel it
in the numbness it becomes i feel it still
the sway of each car a rhythmic lullaby
when heritage is
a memory that keeps slipping
further away

but the made in china of us all lingers

at least here they dont recognize my deadname
but now i look like a man but talk as a girl
or i look as a girl but talk like a man
Headstrong.
Head filled with nicotine.
Womb cradling a growing beer belly.
i carry myself in the body parts i want to tear out

in the numbness it becomes i feel it still
the sway of each car a rhythmic lullaby
the same walk home, the same falling star
knowing i never want to be anything like my father

the cold calls me to sleep, to dream
feet first and i cant stay long
april frostbite, going numb
and in the ache i feel it

journals


......puberty 2...... ...something new life resumes...... ...vignettes......
my blog is organized into different journals. these entries range from vague to very personal and detailed and often include content that may not be suitable for all audiences... consider urself warned (there are also content warnings on my journals) click to open.